One of the initial surprises in session one of the leadership program is the “culture of feedback” that gets established on day one. As groups finish presenting the various leadership theories, they are asked, “Would you like some feedback on the ‘presentation aspects’ of what your team just did?” In almost every case the presenters respond cautiously with “Yes” or “Sure, why not?”

There is considerable apprehension about what will follow when the feedback is shared. Yet, by the end of day one, everyone realizes: feedback is a gift.

One of the early “ah ha’s” participants have in this leadership program is to discover that feedback can be considered a “gift.” As the most recent cohort of leaders graduated, they were thoughtful enough to give me a book wrapped in a bow that was entitled “Feedback.” The participants were kind enough to take the individual time to write me a personal note sharing their feedback on the program. It was quite touching and allowed me to savor the experience as I read their notes in the days following the graduation.

Most participants do learn to value the “gift of feedback.” Participants get more comfortable asking in earnest, “What could I do to improve?” The other individuals in their cohort almost always respond in a supportive way sharing their perceptions more openly than we choose to do in most settings. People offer feedback on what they thought went well along with what the person might want to work on improving. Everyone becomes more interested as the trust is built and as we hear the constructive criticisms.

Learning to listen while people share their view of what you could do to enhance your presentation or your effectiveness takes practice. Our tendency is to get defensive and put up a shield to protect ourselves so learning to divert these old automatic responses to feedback takes a little time. Yet, participants invariably see the benefits to being more open and as a result, ask for feedback more often.

Learning about how others experience your behavior or hearing how you come across to others is incredibly illuminating. These are not insights you could arrive at on your own.

Creating a climate where open feedback is the norm can be quite powerful. Participants are encouraged to go back to the workplace and start asking for feedback on a consistent basis. People are also encouraged to respond when they receive this feedback with a simple, “Thank you for sharing that.” Developing this habit is essential. You may respond to the survey in a defensive way or try to explain why perceptions are off. You need to get used to taking a deep breath and just say “Thanks for sharing that.”

Keep in mind that feedback will be more readily received if we can follow the guidelines: Feedback needs to be…

1.     Specific, not general

2.     Descriptive, not evaluative

3.     Own your own feedback

4.     Feedback needs to be well-timed

Giving Feedback

Feedback needs to be:

1.     Specific, not general – General statements such as “Your meetings aren’t productive” or “That was a good report” lack specificity.  Neither statement lets you know what it is that made the meeting seem unproductive or made the report a “good one.” Specifics let you hone in on certain behaviors or actions to work on or repeat.

2.     Descriptive, not evaluative – Describe the facts, behavior, or action and avoid evaluative language.  Feedback is a way to share your perception of how the other person affected you or how the person came across to you. The examples above, “good report” or that “was unproductive,” are evaluative statements and leave people feeling judged.  It is helpful if we can avoid value-laden words and instead describe the behavior we want to highlight.

3.     Own your feedback – Use “I” statements to give the feedback.  You are letting them know how you perceive the situation.

4.     Feedback needs to be well timed – The feedback needs to be shared sooner rather than later in most cases. The more time passes the less relevance the feedback may have. On the other hand, if you can share your comments in proximity to the event it is usually better. Waiting until the end of the workshop to share that the facilitator repeatedly cut participants off by interrupting them does little good. Sharing the perception during the session would allow for some mid-course corrections.